The Five Hindrances, or: Welcome to Funkytown

What are the Five Hindrances? I'm more than happy to pretend you asked. They are: 

• Sensual desire
• Aversion, anger, and ill-will
• Sloth, torpor and boredom
• Restlessness and worry 
• Doubt

I know what you're thinking. "But Grumpy Buddha, you've only discussed two of the eight aspects of the Eightfold Path! What about Right Livelihood? I've just gotten my law degree and have offers from De Beers, Dyncorp, Halliburton, and Anti-Slavery International and I'm not sure which to accept! And do you not see the irony of posting on Right Concentration and then bouncing off to a completely different topic?"

Well, first of all, go with one of the first three companies, and burn those fuckers from the inside. Can you say . . .




Second of all, you have a point.

Problem is, they call The Grumpy Buddha "Grumpy" for a reason. TGB went away last weekend to visit some friends in another state, and had a great time, but ever since his return . . . can you say "funk"?

No, not that kind of funk. Rather, it's been the heart and soul of the "Torpor" hindrance, with a heapin' helping of Aversion on the side. Basically, I didn't want to do nothin' -- not work out, not meditate, not write (though I did punch out the one post on Wednesday), not anything. At one point I thought to myself "You know what usually cheers you up, reading some Elmore Leonard," and I didn't even bring myself to do that -- which is plainly bizarre, on the face of it.

It's a helluva thing, torpor, and I realized that it was the next thing I wanted to write about. Well, in theory.

Problem was . . . there's a lot to say. A lot of thoughts to organize. Probably some reading to do. Some reflection. And I hadn't even introduced the concept of the Five Hindrances yet here, or put much of a dent in the Eightfold Path.

And so, rather than doing something constructive, I, in a spiritual sense, picked my figurative nose. And I dug deep, delved for the boogers of my soul, and inspected them gravely, before flicking them onto a wall of self-reflective shame. From which they bounced back and stuck to my forehead of regrets.

I probably pushed that metaphor too far.

The gist is, there's a lot to be said, and I'm happy that I've now put the groundwork in place for saying it. We'll get back to the Eightfold Path, trust me.

I will also say that a key Buddhist teaching has helped me pull my way out, and made the funk itself a more tolerable thing. One thing I told myself several times during Funkytown was that this too, shall pass. At the time, it seemed like I'd be in that mood forever -- what was I thinking, planning to write 25,000 words a month? Approaching total strangers and asking them for their photos? Updating my blog every couple of days? Who was that alien being?!

Well, I'm not sure . . . but I know he was around, and not too long ago (less than a week, actually), and I know he'll be back. The concept of impermanence is perhaps the central theme of Buddhist thought -- central enough that it deserves the kind of font size, font type, and color changes that people use when they first discover word processors.

Whatever we are currently thinking about is not nearly as important, permanent, or profound as we think it is -- no matter how strongly our gut (or brain) tells us otherwise.

It's a hugely important concept, it helped me, and I advise you to consider it the next time you find yourself trapped in your own mind.