Right Speech and Right Mindfulness: The Strawberry Pizza Dilemma

Ah, strawberries -- so sweet and tasty.
Ah, pizza -- so greasy and saucy and delicious. (And, of course, SQUARE. I'm talking thin-crust Chicago-style pizza here, not that shitty New York nonsense.)

Ah, strawberry pizza -- so . . . um, bwah-wubba-huh? Strawberry pizza?!

Exactly.

This isn't a sushi/ice cream issue, where you have two wonderful items that obviously would taste horrible together . . . no, this is something different. We're talking two foods that work spectacularly when apart, that -- who knows? -- may also work together. (I mean, people put pineapple on pizza all the time, right?)

What is the purpose of this strained metaphor? Remember this little post on Right Speech? Remember this non-existent post on Right Mindfulness?

Do you have any idea how hard it is to combine those two goddamn things? I think it may be a better idea to just buy this

and try to coax a couple of bits of deuterium into combining to form ⁴He, so I can give up on the far more difficult task of combining Thinking About What I'm Doing and Speaking.

This is a problem that his Grumpiness has had since childhood -- Mother Grumpy used to nag Young Grumpy Buddha all the time to "think before you speak," but he could never quite get the hang of it. Whenever the opportunity or need to speak came, the YGB was on pure auto-pilot, and only noticed after the fact that he had, in all likelihood, blown it once again.

Over the years, his Grumpiness has matured, and all objective and right-minded individuals agree that he is a witty, intelligent, engaging individual, albeit with a penchant for oversharing. So while his Grumpiness is not regularly screaming at people


or offending them


or babbling incoherently


he does have work to do. And this is tough given the overwhelming urge to speak reflexively, without any thought.

Case in point: His Grumpiness resolved that today, his first act of communication would be done mindfully, and correctly (i.e., with the principals of Right Speech).

Needless to say, this was not accomplished.

The first communication was a short email. It was done with the principles of Right Speech, but it was not done mindfully. No harm done . . . but still, a goal unmet.

Then he called a friend for directions. For the most part, he nailed Right Speech, but he did poke a little fun at her when she asked a silly question. Of course, at the time she was watching two toddlers AND was doing him a favor . . . shame on you, Grumpy Buddha! And he did this because he was not being Mindful about said Speech. 

Then he went shopping. He did not screw up Right Speech, but had no cause to -- and once again, an interaction took place without his brain even noticing it.

2.5 for 3 on Right Speech, but 0 for 3 on Mindful, Right Speech . . .

Tsk tsk.

Tomorrow is, though, as they say, another day.

We'll see what that strawberry pizza tastes like eventually . . . I am assuming that the metaphorical one will taste a lot better than the real thing would, because, you know . . . ew.