Thursday, September 22, 2011

Thoughts On Fitness From My Couch

Okay, technically it's me giving my thoughts, not my couch, but lately we've been of the same mind on things. 

If you're reading this there's a good chance that you clicked on The Grumpy Buddha link at The Fitness Nerd -- and if that's true, then there's an even better chance you're doing a respectable impression of a slack-jawed yokel right now. 

Where iz the stuff bout push-ups and processed fud?
The Good Nerd has honored me with a link because I asked him a couple of fitnessy-type questions over the last couple of months -- at least, I guess that's the reason for the link. Thing is, unlike all the other folks in his blogroll, I never post about fitness. Instead, I blather on about Buddhism and lately, about Writing.

BUT. In honor of the Nerd, this will change, and I will tell you EVERYTHING I know about Fitness. From my couch. While eating a entire box of Entenmann's donuts.

Note: I wasn't always on my couch. About 2 years ago, I was in the middle of my first course of P90X. About 16 months ago, I was in the middle of my second course -- with a little Insanity and Crossfit thrown in, because it was just gettin' a little too easy.

BUT THEN ...

Okay, Tony, you were right, straight-arm shoulder flys don't need a lot of weight
Stupid Crossfit "girls"
What I thought was muscle pain in my right elbow turned out to be nasty, nasty tendonitis/tennis elbow/Lateral epicondylitis.

And it did not go away after taking a couple of months off.

And fifteen minutes into a pull-ups/push-ups/squats bit from Crossfit, my form went south (I guess) and OW OW OW OW OW. My left leg fell off from below the knee ... or, um, something tore a little bit. 


A little over a year later, with ~5lbs of muscle lost and ~20lbs of fat gained back (putting me roughly where I was before starting to work out in January of 2009), I give you

THE GRUMPY BUDDHA'S THOUGHTS ON FITNESS
  1. Once you start working out regularly, don't ever skip two days. 
  2. Track everything.
  3. Don't model your intensity level in Kenpo X off of Wes. Yikes. 
  4. Just because you're hurt doesn't mean you can't do some core work, or modify other workouts. Seriously, get your fat ass off the couch already!
  5. When you're eating healthy, you'll be amazed at how not-hungry you are for the number of calories you're taking in.
  6. When you pig out, eat less the next day. Yeah, you might have read otherwise somewhere. Screw 'em. 
  7. Seriously, you don't need the processed crap. And it's fun to feel morally superior to all those suckers who can't resist the damned potato chips.
  8. Grapes grapes grapes grapes grapes grapes.
  9. After a certain age, those injuries aren't going to heal by themselves. REHAB  goddammit, REHAB.
  10. When you've been out of it for awhile, don't worry. The old habits come back surprisingly fast. I wouldn't be on this couch right now if I wasn't fighting a cold.  
  11. There's a lot out there about how you don't need to stretch before working out. Screw that, too. If you're used to stretching, stretch. 
  12. Chocolate milk is a damned yummy and perfectly acceptable recovery drink. Not only will it help build muscle, it'll make you a lot less sore afterwards. 

 Admittedly, not a lot of profundity there, but quit your bitchin', you got something. 

1 comment:

  1. I did find you through being a Nerd Herder and sitting on the couch with big smile on my face. There is a lot of people who will get a lot of laughs from this post. The 12 rules of fitness, just in time for Christmas.

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