If you're reading this there's a good chance that you clicked on The Grumpy Buddha link at The Fitness Nerd -- and if that's true, then there's an even better chance you're doing a respectable impression of a slack-jawed yokel right now.
|Where iz the stuff bout push-ups and processed fud?|
BUT. In honor of the Nerd, this will change, and I will tell you EVERYTHING I know about Fitness. From my couch. While eating a entire box of Entenmann's donuts.
Note: I wasn't always on my couch. About 2 years ago, I was in the middle of my first course of P90X. About 16 months ago, I was in the middle of my second course -- with a little Insanity and Crossfit thrown in, because it was just gettin' a little too easy.
BUT THEN ...
|Okay, Tony, you were right, straight-arm shoulder flys don't need a lot of weight|
|Stupid Crossfit "girls"|
And it did not go away after taking a couple of months off.
And fifteen minutes into a pull-ups/push-ups/squats bit from Crossfit, my form went south (I guess) and OW OW OW OW OW. My left leg fell off from below the knee ... or, um, something tore a little bit.
A little over a year later, with ~5lbs of muscle lost and ~20lbs of fat gained back (putting me roughly where I was before starting to work out in January of 2009), I give you
THE GRUMPY BUDDHA'S THOUGHTS ON FITNESS
- Once you start working out regularly, don't ever skip two days.
- Track everything.
- Don't model your intensity level in Kenpo X off of Wes. Yikes.
- Just because you're hurt doesn't mean you can't do some core work, or modify other workouts. Seriously, get your fat ass off the couch already!
- When you're eating healthy, you'll be amazed at how not-hungry you are for the number of calories you're taking in.
- When you pig out, eat less the next day. Yeah, you might have read otherwise somewhere. Screw 'em.
- Seriously, you don't need the processed crap. And it's fun to feel morally superior to all those suckers who can't resist the damned potato chips.
- Grapes grapes grapes grapes grapes grapes.
- After a certain age, those injuries aren't going to heal by themselves. REHAB goddammit, REHAB.
- When you've been out of it for awhile, don't worry. The old habits come back surprisingly fast. I wouldn't be on this couch right now if I wasn't fighting a cold.
- There's a lot out there about how you don't need to stretch before working out. Screw that, too. If you're used to stretching, stretch.
- Chocolate milk is a damned yummy and perfectly acceptable recovery drink. Not only will it help build muscle, it'll make you a lot less sore afterwards.
Admittedly, not a lot of profundity there, but quit your bitchin', you got something.